bravery, self-love and accountability

i wrote this poem a few months ago. i do not imagine myself to possess a poetic voice. i find words to be hard, rough and weighted with heaviness of permanence. i struggle to allow my truth to speak. So this message was deeply personal; i sent out it out to my small community as an SOS, i was in distress, i was asking to be held accountable, to sit in my claim of bravery. To not let regret dwell at the base of my spine, to refuse to allow it to block my energy, to be radiant in my existence. as of late, i have been incomplete in my ability to follow through with this assertion of self-love. i want to feel the wholeness that comes from radically asserting my humanity, of raging against the logic of submission, of practicing transformational love in all of my interactions. My desire in reposting this, is to once again reclaim that wholeness, and humbly ask to be held accountable for putting words into practice. if you feel i am being less than honest in our interactions, if you feel that i am abasing myself or helping to maintain hierarchies of power and oppression, please challenge me on it. (Let us practice together the act of transformational love in critique).

Be brave

I am haunted
by ghosts of worlds
I was not brave enough
to breath into life,
They exist in space
when I close my eyes
In moments of stillness
In the silence
They speak,
Their language is
should have beens,
what ifs,
if onlys,
I should have this…
what if he that…
in only we….
ghosts linger,
their finger tips
delicately touching my spine
their lips brush
across me neck
they whisper
missed possibilities
I hear
a call to action
shaking me
demanding-
be brave,
brave
to accept the kindness you deserve
to give of yourself
brave
to sacrifice your comfort
to gain your freedom
brave
to abandon fear
to live

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